Friday, October 7, 2011

How to Start Your Own Successful Mega-Church

Step by step:

1- Lie to people and tell them you're a Christian.

2- Convince gullible old women to mortgage their homes and donate the money to your 'ministry'.

3- Surround yourself with 'christians' who know less about the bible, church history, and theology than you do.

4- Adopt shady and manipulative strategies to 'grow' your 'church'.

5- Do something extremely bizarre to garner public attention, like have live animals in the service or cancel worship for the Super Bowl or Christmas or have a 'rasslin' match on the altar.  Anything at all that has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity will work here.

6- Toss out the Bible and start talking about the Spirit's speaking to you directly and without the medium of Scripture.

And finally
7- Insist on your congregation's unswerving and unquestioning allegiance.

If you follow those 7 steps, you will have a mega 'church'.  There are no mega-churches outside of these 7 steps.

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